The Dark is Rising.

The days are darker and darker, so my pyro mode is in full tilt when I am home, which isn't very often. When I am, I am usually in bed. I managed a few days at home when I just stayed on the couch and alternated between clicker and laptop.
Even with limited time, I have still managed to clean up the house (mostly), do some engraving (got me some nice Celtic knotwork frames for the art I bought with my earnings), get my window candles set up with timers so they go on automatically, get the tree up (the boys hauled up the boxes for me) and drive to a bunch more medical appointments.
I have caught a few movies; notably "The Seeker" which is a movie version of Susan Coopers series "The Dark Is Rising". Not so good. I also finally saw "Clerks" after all these years. I moved a bunch of comedies up the list because I have been in such a black and foul mood.
I dreamed about my nephew's significant other. We were at a function and all these politicians kept coming up to talk to me, completely ignoring her. I would painstakingly stop the conversation, introduce her and the conversation would continue, with her adding congenial, intelligent commentary. This happened three times or so, then I extricated her and we left for another function. I was so aggravated that she was being ignored, treated impolitely, and forced into invisibility; the message of the dream was clear. Her opinion is important, and she should be paid attention to and listened to. She is generally fairly quiet, but her observations are always dead on. They were up with the kids last weekend, so I told her my dream. Right after I did , the streetlight we were standing under went out (cue Twilight Zone music).
The kids were pretty funny. The two-year old ripped the heads of all the Barbie dolls and placed the torsos in the tree like naked plastic ornaments. The town had a big celebration in the center of town, culminating in a sing-along and Santa turning on all the town's Christmas lights. The girls were right up front belting out songs while his nibs cowered when he saw the 6-foot Elmo. A good time was had by all.
I managed to get most of my Christmas shopping done. I have a few donations to make, since some of the family doesn't like exchanging gifts anymore. I have already given a few. I have already got a few very unexpected gifts in the mail- a wonderful book "Postcards from Heaven" from Dorry (whose son is in the dedications) and a video about Ireland from Ros, who is campaigning for me to go there again this spring.
Kitties 2 and 3 had their annual checkups, vaccinations and microchipping. Dev lost two pounds, and is facing some extractions, so I am hoping it's just competition from the others at the food dish and sore teeth. Sorcha was so distraught, I had to lie down with her for a few hours to calm her. The clicker fell, and she bolted upstairs in panic..
I am not looking forward to Christmas. Things will never be the same after this one, so I just can't seem to embrace the season. I am sad, and angry, and always so very tired.
The dark is winning.

We had a huge ice storm the other night. I set my cell phone as an alarm just in case. Good thing- the house was dark and cold when I awoke. I slept poorly, as did the kitties, from all the sleet, wind and creaking of the old house. The drive was slick with ice. The big birch was laying flat in the drive, but it was not broken off, just weighed down with the burden of ice. I almost made a cup of tea but left in a hurry instead. Big mistake. The drive to work was beautiful- a winter wonderland, but the trees were all bent over the road, and many branches lay in the way. There were few other people on the road, so driving like Pole Position wasn't an issue as I dodged all the downed limbs. One one road, a car must have narrowly dodged a limb that fell, just missing his car, and he drove into a field and got bogged down in mud halfway up the hubcaps. Four times I got nearly to the end of a road only to encounter a huge tree blcoking the road, had to turn around and go back. I winged my way based on internal navigation until I got to the highway. I made it to work only 15 minutes late, only to find they had no power. They had an auxiliary generator that enabled us to have a few dim lights and the use of some cash registers. We raised the gate manually, and all I could do was ring people out. No computers, so I could do absolutely nothing in terms of filling. The store phones didn't work, but my phones did, so I had a lot of people calling me asking if we were open, did we sell generators, propane, all kinds of disaster-type stuff we need in states of emergencies. I was a little hungry, and very cold. The powers that be refused to close the store, so for 12 hours, I was a cheerleader for the customers in the dark. I worked on my development plan by hand, I put away the order, I researched all the refrigerated drugs to learn how long an excursion they can handle out of refigeration, and I read some pharmacy journals and did some continuing eds by hand. It was so cold, I finally gave up and put my fleece on top of my woolen turtleneck (I was SO glad I changed at the last minute into the woolen sweater!) under my labcoat. I was so glad to get into my car and blast the heater, I thought my toes would never thaw out. When I finally made it home (still lots of limbs on the side of the road), I was greeted by the cheery candles in the windows and the knowledge that my power was back on. My birch tree is recovered and reaching for the sky again. I turned up the heat, put on fleece jammies, ate an egg and went straight to bed.
Today I still feel cold but I let myself jack the heat up to 65. It was bitter outside when I let the kitties out. They didn't want to go out again. Neither did I- did some minor paperwork things but mostly watched movies- Boondock Saints and Elf.
The dark is rising.

Dubhchas

It's a small black beast that sits on the shoulder, placing its hands over your eyes so that all you see is tinted dark and foggy. The weight of it penetrates each task, and the darkness penetrates your dreams.
Usually for me it lasts a day or so, but lately I have caught sight of the mist in my peripheral vision often. I tend to retreat when the dubhchas visits me- why bother infecting others and making their world dark? But fate has conspired to put dear and beloved friends into my face fairly frequently, so I recognize the nudge that karma is sending, and I will have dinner and enjoy their support and friendship.
October was so chock full of work, and many medical appointments. One of them was actually for me, and I had my teeth cleaned to the rant of a new hygienist who couldn't emphasize enough my need for periodontal work. No. Not now. I have not got the energy. Cujo had his long-awaited dental work, and had five extractions. I had him micro-chipped while he was out- I have driven past too many dead cats on the road recently, a sight that ruins my day. (My son and my ex both lost cats to cars this past few months.) Cuj recovered nicely with lots of attention & Fancy Feast (he is fourteen after all).
My daughter left for South America. I have been coping with some of her unfinished business- totally unlike her, and I am resentful because my hands are so full right now.
After another bout of acute illness in hospital, my sister had an appointment at a major hospital; we are hoping to get her into a program that offers a solution to her advanced disease. I also took her spouse to an appointment; I was so tired, I fell asleep sitting up in the waiting room.
I managed to vote yesterday by showing up at the poll at 6:45 AM. I was done voting by 7:15 and able to get to the place I was working that day on time (1 hr 45 minute one-way commute). Roughly a 17-hour day for me, I was grateful to sleep late today and needed a nap this afternoon as I was flat-out exhausted. Next week will be worse- I have a long-commute 12-hour day followed by three 12-hour shifts 60 minutes away, followed by a 9-hour shift, one day off and a double medical appointment.
No wonder I am in a foul mood.
At least my kitties love me. They have been fighting over who will sit next to me. Fluctuating kitty dynamics are always a great source of entertainment.
I dreamed about a schizophrenic former patient of mine, of whom I was very fond. It's been about 15 years since I have seen him, and he is likely no longer on this earth (schiz meds cause major metabolic and endocrine dysfunction). Funny I should have him creep up in my sub-conscious; last time I saw him, I had popped in to buy a coffee on my way to work. The manager of the shop was throwing him out as he perused his change for the payment of a cup of joe. I stepped up and said, "Mr. H, it would be my pleasure to treat you to a cup of coffee- how will you like it? Would you like a donut or muffin?" I glared the manager down and bought the man a cup of joe, and let the manager know what I thought of disrespect to the elders and infirm. Outside the shop, Mr. H said, "Do I know you? You look familiar, but I don't recollect your name..." I told him who I was, and that I had worked at the place he use to live, and that he was always unfailingly polite to me, never failed to leap to hold the door open when I was pregnant. I slipped him a fin, and told him it was a real pleasure to see him and have a chance to thank him for his politeness and good manners. And polite as usual, he slipped into my dream last night to remind me that things could be a lot worse. Even with delusions and voices in the head- one can still manage to be unflaggingly cheerful and polite.
Here's to tomorrow!