The Doctor is In

Friday I received my PharmD after nearly four years of incredible grinding.
I am the first in our immediate family to get an advanced degree. I am the fifth in the big extended Murray family to get a doctorate, and the first Beggan doctor.
The week of review and events, was hectic, but I got to see all my classmates and be with them a gain. The day of graduation was one of the most emotional of my life.
Quitting my job and going to school was like jumping off a cliff and hoping an inflatable mattress was at the bottom. (Three years later, I just landed on both feet.) While I was in school, I learned that my dad had terminal cardiac dysfunction and nothing could be done for him medically except for comfort measures. I watched a cousin dear to me slip away to colon cancer and spent as much time with him as I could manage. I saw my kids get apartments, move away and start great lives of their own. A crisis brought someone dear to me back into my life with a grievance mended. My mom had surgery requiring rehab in my second year and two consecutive severe illnesses requiring hospitalization while completing externship. And I worked part-time while I went to school because I needed both the money and the experience.
Walking across that stage with my diploma was one of the highlights of my lie and I hope I never forget that feeling. When I saw my dad afterward, I just started to cry and couldn't stop.
Now I have a new job, a new car, a new life with great new friends. My graduation party was Saturday (and we did have a keg as long promised). Friends from the old neighborhood and the new, family and coworkers, friends I made in school, and friends from my rotations all mingled in and out. Kate and Ditto and I cleaned the whole house. Dan did an awesome job of cooking on the new grill. The boys fetched, carried and served. And when things died down, we hung in the yard and got eaten by mosquitoes and laughed all night.

Done Done Done Done Done

Today we wrapped up our last rotation. Our preceptor met with us in the afternoon to do grades- I am delighted to remain on the Dean's List as I conclude my graduate studies. I left the campus with kind of the same feeling I had when I was in labour: wanting to get it over, but knowing I'd never have this moment back again and wanting to savour it. (That feeling DOES exclude the push part and the medchem exam parts.)
I drove away from the tiny building that passes as campus for us and headed off to buy some shirts for work (dress code at new job is color-coded).
DONE.

One Flew Over

I am doing a rotation at a psych facility, and the intricacies of the
human mind are mesmerizing. I am in a group of students for the first
time, and I am so enjoying the different perspectives they bring. The
opportunities for learning something new have been myriad, and being
able to bounce this stuff off other students is so cool. We do a lot of
presentations, which I do enjoy, and go to a lot of meetings like
Pharmacy & Therapeutics, and Team meetings.
Today I had to lead
a group discussion and one person had to leave because the social
worker came, but I heard the patient comment to her "It's ok, that was a sucky group!" Yeah, just try to lead a bunch of people with varying cognitive function into agreement that taking your meds is a good thing- especially when the meds wreak havoc on your systems and make you fat, dopey, and sleepy (and the staff has no problem with this!).
I am pretty sure it was a sucky group, but we all really tried.

It is so cold here. I had to warm up my little buckwheat pillow and I am toasting my feet before getting back to work. More research, more writing. Eight weeks of clinicals left- the light is at the end of the tunnel!
I got a letter from the college and didn't open it right away becasue I thought it was a non-bill again. Apparently, I made the Dean's List for fall semester. I wasn't even thinking about that! Woo Hoo! Ditto pointed out that after struggling my way through all the sciences, I am getting excellent grades in the part where you have to act like a pharmacist. Add my Phi Sigma Lambda induction to that and I guess it's been a good start to the final year. If I can only keep my nose clean until NAPLEX I'll be ok, but I won't relax til the NAPLEX score is in hand.
Two solid job offers and a few good leads...What a great field pharmacy is!

Poster Presentation

It's OVER!!! Thank God.
The graduation poster is a mandatory presentation done be P3's (that's senior in the accelerated program) and is worth one whole grade point. You choose a drug, find primary literature (that's clinical trials to you non-science folk) and write up a presentation. Normally people do this drug vs that drug and illustrate one's superiority (efficacy) with studies.
Part one is search. Part two is bibliography. Part three is writing an abstract. Part four is creating a poster- you get a threefold presentation board and have one title and 12 slides.
Of course, I can't adapt to herd mentality and I chose a drug that works with rare cancers, and did my presentation on its effects on a cancer so rare it's 7 in one million. I get totally sucked in to research and spent hours reading and interpreting studies. I did a progression of efficacy, use in advanced cancer, resistance to the drug and how histological DNA tissue typing is critical for prognosis and dose selection. I was pretty happy plugging along with the written work- I do love that kind of stuff. Week of presentation, I started having huge anxiety about it- my blood pressure was up, I wasn't sleeping well. And Wednesday was P-Day.
I got into Worcester early and met some of my friends. My place was moved- I was Number One which was scary- thought I'd be first. I was in a corner in a big hall. The guy next to me, it turned out, was going to do a rotation in Manchester and was moving in with my pal Ryan- small world, eh? Bonnie, my former preceptor, decided to come scope it out and offer support. It was so encouraging to have her and another pharmacist pop in, and I ran thru my spiel no problem. Another college employee came down and asked some questions- same deal. Everyone else was being judged and done. Finally, my judges came, and they wanted to read it first and ask questions. Thrown off a bit, I began stuttering like an idiot (say Platelet-Derived Growth Factor five times fast and see how you do!). I didn't say half the things I wanted, I didn't articulate well, and the one question they asked- "How much does it cost?" I could not answer at all. ($461.99 for 30 tablets, and the dose is four or eight a day!) We won't get our grades til March, so it's nerve wracking. They have been known to flunk people on their posters.
The school and alumni association threw us a party afterward- I figured it was cru d'etes and cheese but it was a full buffet and open bar. I had oranges in my purse and had wine- wish I had asked for a GF meal! The line was funny- one of the deans and a pharmacology prof were in front of us and we had a good time hanging with them. Most of the profs were there, and nearly all my class stayed. It was so nice to see everyone- we've had a wedding and a baby since last we got together. It was the last time we'd all be together before graduation, and not all of us will be there.
It took such a huge chunk of emotional energy all told. I had another presentation the next day at my rotation- it went well. It was a lot more low-key delivering to techs than to professors.
Friday was the last day of 3rd rotation- we are more than half-done with clinical year, and we are 100 days to graduation. My preceptor let me go early, and a bunch of us got together up in Manchester for dinner and drinks. We helped Tran & Michelle move out, then headed off to party. Two of the group have already signed contracts. Several of them move to their home states today. It was bittersweet to know this was it for the group and it was hard to leave. I didn't get home til 12:30.
I slept til 1:30 this afternoon- it was so good to sleep. By 6 pm I was ready to go back to bed. I am taking this day to just ready and putter. back to the real world Monday.
Poster is Done!!!

Postscript- I got a 98! I was in the elevator en route to a meeting and bumped into one of the women who graded me, so I thanked her for the grade. "You're the one who earned it," she said as she stepped off.
YES!!!

quickie post

Short post- first two days on rotation went very well- REALLY like the folks. Slow location- 200 Rx per week (remember last rotation was 650 qd on Mon and Fri). Have been studying top 200 since this place is organized differently than last rotation/current work.
Miss my vacation already. Miss the salt air, miss seeing my nephew and his daughter, miss hanging w my sister and walking daily w her hubby. Glad to be back w the kitties & vice versa. Have been trying to walk 2 miles a day, started on vaca and hoping to keep up. Said good-bye to Mr JellyBelly- no more beans til Xmas. Let's hope to see a thinner, smarter, new & improved BA.

Study-free weekend

Since January of 2004, I have spent nearly every weekend studying. At first, I was working full-time and taking 5 courses, 2 online & 3 with labs after lecture- 5 til 10 pm three nights a week. Friday nights I vegged but Saturdays after morning tea I went right to the books doing online macroeconomics coursework, calculus problems, read the chem and physics assignments for the week, and did the pre-labs.
When summer came, I did O-Chem 4 nights a week with a few Friday lectures to make up the time requirements- two lab nights, two-three lectures. I got up at 5 to do the pre-labs and homeworks before work, and seldom got home before 11 pm. It was grueling.
When I got into the grad program and quit my job, Saturdays were my cleaning mornings and study afternoons, and Sundays were study. I generally got to school by 8 and seldom left before 10 and then read all weekend. At the end of the first year, I finally took the job my friend had pestered me about. He is director of pharmacy at an acute care hospital, and he likes to hire students. I came onboard to work every other weekend. I had to study in a more structured manner- no farting off at all after work and the weekend off I hit the books, but the first quarter I pulled great grades. It was doable on my rotation, but when I started 2nd year coursework, I started floundering big-time. I cut down in January to two days a month, and had Sundays to study. I pulled the grades up and acquitted myself quite well.
Quitting my job and borrowing money to live on was like stepping off a cliff and assuming I could fly. No matter what I did or how well, the mortgage, the furnace, the damp basement, the drafts in the sunporch, the lawn needing mowing, the shovelling of the drive, all hung over my shoulder whispering that there was not enough time, they needed attention. I gave them only what I could spare in moments. As my friend Francois said to me repeatedly, "failure is not an option." He was right- we had too much at stake to lose, and to blow it, we could blame on no one but ourselves.
So by dint of constant hard work, drumming details into my brain over every spare minute, even in the car during my commute, I did it. I succeeded and passed the didactic. Last week was my first week off, traditionally when I catch up on housework and errands. I went to a cookout, a wedding, and started the rounds of catching up- got my annual PPD, got back online, started organizing all my schoolwork, and clearing up, took my mom to visit an old friend for a day and actually watched a movie. I heard from several friends, and called several more. I spent a day vegging and took a 4 hour nap in the 100 degree heat.
This weekend I do not study. I swear I will not touch a book that weighs more than a few ounces (the Keltiad series is easing me back into fiction). After work yesterday I spent the evening on the couch with Pinot Grigio and the Red Sox (Pharmacy Son had the clicker and I was too tired to argue). Today, I shall shop. OK, today I shall shop after I do the laundry, the litterboxes, the dump run and put away some of the crap in the kitchen. But the point is, after three years of non-stop grinding, I don't have to hit the books. I can't tell you how good that feels.