Party

Well, we had a celebration for my sister's 25th anniversary 6 months after the actual date. That pretty much guarantees that she'd never suspect a thing.

Good turnout of cousins and friends. I've had a lot of good feedback and few complaints, so it's a good thing (as Martha would say).

 The kids helped to decorate and did a damn good job. They got really into it.
Good cousin turnout.

 My camera sucks for these indoor things.

The kids were delighted that all their cousins were together.  They were very well-behaved.  The boys were delighted when I told them the fruit and cheese was self-serve. They complimented the waitresses on how nicely presented it was.   I ordered chicken strips and fries for the kids.  When Ted heard, he made a beeline for their table and scavenged for a bit.  They were highly entertained and happy to share. Some things never change.

We took the opportunity to take some family photos while we were all gathered together.

 Maras.

Beggans

Murrays

 Four generations.  The aunties, sibs, offspring, significants and of course the nextNEXT generation.

Siblings & Spouses.

 The music was on but my son turned it down-everyone was having too much fun visiting.

 Maras mugging.

 The next generation.

 Friends and family mixed well.

So, despite all the crazy technical glitches, the actual day went smoothly.  Everyone was happy to have an occasion to gather that did not include a eulogy.  And that's what it's all about:)

The Privelege Meme

Yeah, I am a sucker for a meme, but this one made me do some thinking.
One of the things I think about is my complete inability to do yes or no answers.

This meme is from “What Privileges Do You Have?”, based on an exercise about class and privilege developed by Will Barratt, Meagan Cahill, Angie Carlen, Minnette Huck, Drew Lurker, Stacy Ploskonka at Illinois Indiana State University.
Done in a classroom setting, students would line up and take one step forward for every statement that is true.

I have made bold those which I answer yes.

1. Father went to college: Nope. Father graduated in the middle of the Great Depression. He got accepted but his parents couldn’t come up with the cost- a whopping $200. He got sent to the CCC.

2. Father finished college: Nope.

3. Mother went to college: Nope. She graduated during the Depression, too.

4. Mother finished college: Nope. She went to work as a cook as soon as she graduated high school, and counted herself lucky.

5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor. Not first degree, and none of my parents’ generation. Two of my cousins- the only two families that moved away from our neighborhood- did become professors. My cousin is a lawyer and my cousin’s daughter is an MD. I am a PharmD and dammit, that is no small potatoes!

6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers: hard to tell- they were nuns. I guess that made them as poor as the rest of us!

7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home: Definitely. And 49 of them were mine!

8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home. No, but I sure had more than 500 in the home I raised my kids in. I’m pretty sure I have nearly that many now; 5 bookcases full.

9. Were read children’s books by a parent: Nope- I could read by age 3 so I basically read to myself.

10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18: I had piano lessons for one year. It was a very good year.

11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18. Nope. My mom put me in dance lessons when I was 6. I loved it until I discovered I was expected to dance on stage in a recital. I flatly refused and she never forgave me. The only reason I got piano lessons was the nun spoke to her directly about my musical talent and kind of bullied her into it.

12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively: I don’t think any people like me are in the media.

13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18. No. I think I was twenty-six with two or three kids.

14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs: Nope. I got an allowance of ten dollars a week for bus fare. I worked 3 jobs and it took me 5 years to get my BA. And they wondered why I ended up in a hospital.

15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs: Goose egg.

16. Went to a private high school. Yup- my parents felt that their friends who went to Catholic school had a huge advantage, so they scraped to send us to convent school. Wish they spent what they wasted on college!

17. Went to summer camp: Nope.

18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18: Nope. But I never would have needed one.

19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels. We took a road trip once & stayed in a cabin in the Berkshires, but my parents had a fight so we came home the next day. When I was a teen, they were fond of a resort place in New Hampshire and we went once a year.

20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18. With two older sisters? I think not.

21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them. Not on this planet.

22. There was original art in your house when you were a child. Nope. My mother has this thing about fake wood and fake wrought iron…We had wallpaper that looked like wood, vinyl floors that looked like wood, and when she discovered sheet paneling, she went incredibly overboard. She was given her first original art by my sister’s boyfriend when I was 20. (He is now well-known and it’s worth a lot!) I bought her two paintings by a local artist that she is very fond of. But her idea of art involves plastic that looks like wrought iron. And Hummels.

23. You and your family lived in a single-family house. Hhhhmmm. Kinda sorta not really. We lived in a duplex and my grandparents and uncle lived upstairs. After Pappy died and my uncle married, my parents had the house opened up and we moved our bedrooms upstairs when I was 8.

24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home. They bought my grandmother out, so I guess yes.

25. You had your own room as a child. No. At first all three of us were in one double bed. Then I shared a room with my sister (twin beds made of imported Vermont maple as my mom used to say).

26. You had a phone in your room before you turned 18. Nope. I’ve only had a phone in my room since I bought my current little farmhouse in 2002.

27. Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course. Nope. I signed up for the SAT and took it. I counted myself lucky, since my poor sister was placed in a city 40 miles away- my mom dropped her off and left her with a few bucks and instructions to find her own way home. No wonder we’re so self-sufficient.

28. Had your own TV in your room in high school: Nope. I would not have wanted one. I could never understand why my family would sit like zombies for hours. I was too nudgie and TV bored me so easily.

29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college: Jeez, who made this thing up? I barely managed to pay for college, and I had to put grad school off because I couldn’t afford it!

30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16: Actually, I flew with my family to Ontario to visit my great-uncle Paddy when I was 4. My sisters promptly came down with German measles and were quarantined, so I got to spend my entire vacation with Nana and Uncle Paddy being pampered and adored and spreading rubella through Port Colbourne (I got it when we came back!).

31. Went on a cruise with your family: Nope. But I did get to visit my daughter on her cruise ship…

32. Went on more than one cruise with your family: Nope.

33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up: Nope. But mom insisted I go to Bingo at the parish, which I hated. I discovered museums at age 16 and became a museum-a-holic. I had memberships when my kids were little.

34. If you had a computer at home. They didn't even have them in businesses when I was young!

35. If you had your own computer at home. See above.

36. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family: Nope. Every time the bill came in, BOTH parents griped.

37. If you have been to Europe. I scraped and saved enough to visit my family in London and Dublin and got bombed by the IRA. But it was not given to me to go.

38. If you had your own cell phone in High School. They didn’t HAVE cell phones when I was in high school. Phones still involved cords and were usually black.

When the questions have all been asked, the following instructions are given:
“Now everyone recognize that you are at the same place academically. Everyone turn around. Everyone has permission to talk. No one has permission to accuse any one or any group of anything. Everyone must use “I” statements.

Note that the people on one end of the room had to work harder to be here today than the people at the other end of the room. Some of you had lives of more privilege than others. There is no one to blame, it is just the way it is. Some have privilege and some don’t.”

Anfa’s score is a whopping TEN/36. I guess I flunk Privelege 101.
Whatever. If there's an Experience 101, I passed that with flying colours long, long ago.

Cape Codder

We had planned a quick trip to the Cape in december but it didn't pan out. Rescheduled for a Nana weekend, we employed Kate as resident lifeguard, Nanny, gameplayer and girl toy extraordinaire. This allowed the exhausted grandparents to basically kick back and just enjoy.
Great-Aunt Nini had to work on Saturday in NH, so I missed the wave pool, bonfire and dinner, but arrived in time for girl talk. My favourite grand-nephew lit up with a huge smile when Nini came in. Among the discussion was favourite painting, favourite dessert, favourite fruit and favourite toy (Jordyn wanted to know what our favourite adult toy was and couldn't understand why we laughed so hard or so long...).

The younguns enjoyed a Dunkins breakfast picnic-style, but Kate and I sneaked off for a real breakfast before joining the crowd in the wave pool.

We joined the family with a cake for Jordyn's 6th birthday and shared some gifts. The girls got to open and try on all of their dress-ups. Richie particularly liked the Johnny Depp pirate dreadlocks and the sword. The punk rocker outfits were also a big hit.

We just had such a great time hanging out together. The adults are exhausted, but they are an incredibly fun group of kids.

New Years Resolutions

1. Spend more time with family. After four years in school, I want to spend my non-work time being more available to spend time with my family. My sister has taken my parents to nearly all of their medical appointments, so I owe her big time. Having 3 of my kids in the Boston area means I should be able to do more with them. Hoping to ski, do theatre, travel etc. And did I mention I have 2 little nieces and a nephew whom I adore? Definitely more Nini time is in order!!!
2. Health. I need to hydrate better, eat more fruits and veggies and move more. Yeah, yeah, whatever. I know.
3. Happiness. I want more music in my life. I want more spontaneity. I gave up so much and made my life so regimented in order to meet my goals, and I did it. Now it’s time to kick back and get in tune with the things that give me pleasure. Spending time with friends, appreciating nature and beauty, enjoying my pets- all in the menu for the new year.
That’s it. The basics. Health, happiness.

Christmas

We do our celebration on Christmas Eve. Our family has gotten together since 1969 and celebrated on Christmas Eve with dinner, gifts, and then midnight Mass. Over the years as my mom got debilitated with knee replacements, we switched from celebrating at her house to taking turns at the three sisters' homes, hosting the dinner. Last year was my turn, and one sister opted out with her family; my mom's serious illness kept my parents from joining us. This year should have been the eldest sister's turn, but her illness precluded it, and I announced I would host the do. My aunt suggested having it back at my parents' and so my daughter and I ran the show from there. We were most grateful that my sister made it despite serious illness, and she pulled it together to see her grandchildren. My cousin and his wife joined us, for which we were extra grateful since thy had just had a death in the family.
Kate did the lions' share by showing up at 8AM (and feeding her grandparents a Dunkins Croissandwich treat) and plunking in the turkey. She did all the veggies up and any odd jobs. I got there for 1 pm and we made the stuffing and finished all the cooking. The vegetarian cooked the turkey; the celiac made the stuffing. The boys (who had 100 lbs of potatoes as a paternal gift) made the mashed praetes. Kate had made pies and candies; we had other folks bring desserts, and Mom & Kate picked up a gorgeous strawberry shortcake Mom ordered.
Rich and Corey and the kids came: Kay and Jordyn were highly entertained reading the tags on all the gifts now that they can read. The PeeWee Christmas Special was duly played; KD Lang in a dress was the highlight of the evening. Richie grabbed a toy ruler which he mistook for a phone and it was passed thru all the family for a conversation with Santa and handed back to him. Dan advised Santa to skip presents for the children and bring monkeys instead; the monkey theme is now central in their play. The dinner was good: turkey and ham, veggies of all kinds, two kinds of stuffing. The presents were fun; books and dvd's and clothes and gift cards. I must say that I outdid myself with the girls; a dress-up box full of costumes for each child. My personal amazing gift was a Roomba; can't wait to get it going and see the kitties' reaction.
We sent dessert home with the kids since they had to get back to the Cape, but we did have time for crackers. Word to the wise; a pill case is not the same as a yoyo.
We were all pretty exhausted by Christmas: four snowstorms in 7 days in addition to all the holiday work made it hectic. Three of my four stayed over for Christmas. I woke early for Mass and made it in time. We had the usual big breakfast. I burnt the first batch of bacon and was told by #4 that Mommy ruined Christmas. Then he burnt the toast and we were even. We did our presents, and they left at 4 for their paternal side. I headed to my sister's with a Christmas plate for Ted, then down to my parents for a cup of tea.
I had the day after off from work but spent it at the hospital with my sis, who was so ill she was admitted. It made me even more grateful that we had such a good holiday all together. The best part was spending time with the kids and being with my own kids in the morning. The best present is being together!

Up Time and Down Time

It's been a really busy summer- and it flew by so fast! I've been studying for my licensure exam (NAPLEX) & working at two stores as a graduate intern, and trying to squeeze in family time. I have managed to keep Farmer Hank's garden weeded weekly even though the weeds are so high at my own house that someone stole a bike and stashed it in my garden and I have no idea how long it's been there. (I did buy the push mower I wanted but the weeds are too high- need to tame 'em down before I can use it.) I've been helping out a dear friend who has been ill with rides, errands and company when I am off. I hosted my dear friend Ros from Montreal and her high school friend and ran ragged all over Boston. We squeezed in a few days at the Cape and enjoyed every minute. Visited my "grandbaby" and his sisters and celebrated birthday #1 and trips to the beach. We plan to get together and see summer out on Labour Day if all goes well.
Then it's back to work.

Party On!

OK- so the day after I graduated, I had a cookout. I joked for years that I would throw a kegger, and when people laughed, it confused me, since I am generally a woman of my word. A kegger it was.
Since I was working a new job, managing lots of stuff and dealing with the festivities and responsibilities of graduation, most of my preparation was day before and day of the party. Ditto came up by train overnite for the grad ceremony, and I took her and my four kids out for lunch. We went back to my home and everyone napped but me- I organized and cleared clutter til 9 then Dan and I cooked and chopped and prepared food. I got up around 7, had tea and went to town.
Folks began arriving just as I was putting food out. Dan did an awesome job as grillmeister. Kate made the salad and Ditto made a work of art on the crackers & cheese.
Beggan cousins came but not a single Murray. ACS friends came, as did my Worcester friends, and some pals from pharmacy school came and one professor. Buck's friends Dan and Amanda. It was cool how people mingled despite the diversity of backgrounds. I felt like all I did was hustle and very little mingling, but people all told me how much fun they had and how nice the folks were. The Worcester contingent took over the kitchen (as usual). It's always the kitchen with us.
Party highlights: my sister Sue was determined to have a cake I could eat and got a gluten-free cake from CeliaCakes in Arlington MA (highly recommended to the celiacs out there on the web!). Kegstands in the yard by Buck, Ditto and other sundry and assorted friends. Bacon, coffee and leftover sausage sandwiches for breakfast (thanks Ditto!). Many laughs and roastings of my children. Bren taking over Dan's coveted couch bed, blankie and pillow. Hugh Beggan. The Mexican patron saint of decoupage.
My guests brought presents, desserts, wine and beer. I was just glad to have the people who love me show up and be with me. I enjoyed having a house full and am thinking of ways to make my house more visitor-friendly in future, since I like company.
I did not take any pictures- I know some people did so if I get any I will post them. But thank you all for coming and sharing my celebration!

88

My dad turned 88 on Saturday. My ex bitched to me when I said how frail he is "You've been ready to bury him for the past fifteen years!" This is a guy who has survived the Great Depression, WW2, life as a state employee, a very high-stress job (YOU try running an airport!), prostate cancer, lung cancer, skin cancer, congestive heart failure, multiple myocardial infarctions, chronic renal insufficiency and asshole neighbors. Last year we were basically told that there is nothing else medicine can do for him except keep him comfortable. That was not an easy thing to hear. I honestly did not think he would see me graduate from school, but he seems to be surprising us all.

I was pleased to have all of my kids (except Miss Hawaii, of course) be there to honour him on this auspicious day. He was pretty happy about it, and he enjoyed his great-grandchildren as well. His favourite present was the presence of all of us.
Happy birthday, Hank!

My Favourite Christmas Gifts

OK, I whined about how things were not as I was used to, but we had some extra-special gifts this year. The very best was that Kaylin, my beautiful grand-niece, was able to come for the day, and she introduced her new little brother to my sons and my cousin. My nephew's divorce gave me the opportunity to spend a whole day with my wonderful new grand-nephew RT3, and he decided he likes me.
For those of you who haven't seen me in action many years, I have a special talent- babies. Babies love me, and there isn't one I cannot get to sleep in 5 minutes when fussy or sick (except Buck who was nearly 4 years old before he slept thru the night. That's another story!)
Needless to say, once I was done cooking, with the tremendous help of Buck and Dan (who also did all the cleaning for the cat-allergic sector which is 90% of the family including me and Dan!), I had my baby buddy on my lap. He smiled and charmed the lot of us, and all my boys had a turn with him. The Elf hat was especially winsome.
Kaylie danced about in her velvet dress and all the boys played games and dolls with her. She wasn't shy and skipped about giving orders- boy, she is like a Kate clone!
Sue put her in charge of the Yankee Grab- everyone picks a number, chooses an anonymous gift, and can choose to swap with any opened gift; number 1 gets to choose from all the previous gifts at the end. She saved the last slip for her boyfriend Dan- and yes, it was #1. Rigged! We had a lot of laughs.
Buck's girlfriend came unexpectedly, so we were delighted to add her to the company.
The gift-opening was hectic, crazy and fun. Joe gave me a floating frame with four pictures of Ireland, all of them places I had been, and I swore they were pictures I took, but they were ones HE took, from the exact same angles. Dan agreed, it was so eerie that he had exactly the same views- it was so beautiful and I cannot wait to hang it.
Kate called and we passed the phone to every person before hanging up.
Since we ate so early, we had the place cleared up by 9 pm, so I finished wrapping. I was too tired for midnight Mass, I would have had to drive several towns to reach one. I rose early and went to church, and drank two pots of Kona coffee with Brendan while we waited for the others to wake. When they did, Dan started cooking bacon immediately, so we ended up eating our big breakfast first, and opening gifts after- another first! They all liked their gifts, and I liked mine very much. It just seemed that a great deal of thought was put into everyone's selections this year. For example, I got a NAPLEX study guide from Dan, the first three Lemony Snickets from Bren, and a grill from Buck! They loved their Hawaii shirts- Bren got one dyed from hemp, the others from volcanic ash, and all of them got a Kauai red dirt shirt. Lots of coffee, macadamia nuts, and useful things like socks, jeans, workwear for Bren, and Dan got a leather jacket. It was great happiness and relaxation.

The stuff is incidental and fun, but stuff is stuff. Spending the time creating our holiday meant the most. Buck took the time to get his grandmother discharged from hospital, and spent a whole day shopping with me, trying on coats, finding groceries, and a marathon vacuum job. Dan picked up Bren, peeled mountains of vegetables, cooked, cleaned, and came to my mom's follow-up appointment after the holiday. Bren pulled it all together, mopped floors, made coffee, and was there when I needed him, and popped in for turkey next day so we could re-hash the holiday. Joe and Elaine drove, drove and drove, sent lots of supportive emails, brought excellent desserts, and praised the lumpy mashed potatoes. Auntie served as the family matriarch, regally despite all the driving.
Rich drove a long way with an infant and a very excited child, and still had everything organized. And Sue and Ted visited my parents before coming up to our house, did a million errands, baked gluten-free meringues, bought wine, cheese, gluten-free crackers, and touched base every step of the way.

I was surrounded by people who loved me on Christmas, and this is what I needed most, and what I love best about Christmas.

Shona Nollaig Duit!

Three Strikes of Christmas!

This was a nice Christmas, but a weird Christmas. Everything bad always happens in threes. Kate started it all by moving to Hawaii and not being able to come home for Christmas. That was very upsetting to me even tho’ I got to spend Thanksgiving with her. I decided to make up for missing her by making her a stocking and mailing it in time for the holiday. Now, I am very craftsy, and had made a felt stocking for each child as it came along, but I didn’t want to ship her 1979 stocking out to the Pacific. So off to the store to fetch felt- of course, they are all sold out of red, and limited in colors. I ended up making a green stocking, and on it I put a volcano, a palm tree and the sea with little fishes- all the things we enjoyed together on my visit. I found some paper ribbon that made excellent palm leaves and ocean. I laughed out loud and took a picture when I was done. I also made her a huge felt tree to hang on her door, and glued ornaments and fake lights on it. I filled her sock with goofy stuff- I went on the theme of sight, sound, smell and taste of Christmas at home and so pine potpourri from the Christmas Tree Shop, Hebert Candy Mansion fudge, candy canes, a bracelet with jingle bells, a photo of the two of us all got stuffed in with a few gift cards. I hope to hell she got it in time- the post office said she should but their supplies got held up due to blizzards canceling planes.

We have our celebration on Christmas Eve: it used to be at my parents’ until my mom had knee surgery & we switched to rotating every year at the three daughters’ houses. My widowed Aunt Mae and her son always spent the Eve with us as well.
My dad requested that we have dinner really really early; his health is not great and he tires easily (the “sundowning effect” it’s called in geriatrics). It being my turn to host our family on Christmas Eve, I emailed the family our dinner time. One of my sisters and her family elected not to come; she had said last year she wasn’t coming, so her kids worked on Christmas Eve and they stayed home. Strike two!
Then my mom got really sick- I called one morning and my sister Sue was there. She said they needed to get Mom to the ER, so I hopped in my car, but by the time I pulled up she had called an ambulance. My mom was ashen grey and couldn’t catch her breath, never mind walk. The ER ran a bunch of tests and they figured it was flu (she DID get her shot), so they planned to send her home til they saw her walk to the bathroom for a urine specimen- it took half an hour to get her to the bathroom and she was so sick when she got there we had to get her right back on oxygen. They kept her four days- her culture was positive for a strain of flu that was not in the shot, so I suspect she picked it up at work in the Wang Center (damn those Rockettes!). It took me and Buck, a wheelchair and a walker to get her home- she refused to go to rehab and she really did think she was coming to my house. I put my foot down and said no- and my dad said he was staying home with her. I think he was really relieved because he gets so nervous going anywhere. Strike Three!
We all went in on Christmas Day to see them.

But I have never had a Christmas holiday dinner without my parents, all my kids, and my sisters and their kids before.
:( My family is more important to me than anything, but it just didn't happen for me the way we are used to. SO- we made the best possible Christmas we could, and enjoyed the loved ones who were there with us.